I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize