Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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