so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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