This is not my ceiling
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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