drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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