i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you win again, gameday.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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