I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
