Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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