My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
