Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
