its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
