your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
