Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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