Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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