counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
