You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
