Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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