You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
