i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
