Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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