Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
