She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
