farters have to be the big spoon...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
