oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
