I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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