Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
