So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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