No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
