Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
