I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
