Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize