i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
