I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
