What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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