High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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