I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
