he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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