The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
