Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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