Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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