I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
