So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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