He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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