Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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