I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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