You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
