i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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