Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
