That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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