I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
