I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
