my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
