Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
