Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
