I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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