Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
