she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
