This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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