Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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