I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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