k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
