Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
