whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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