if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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