my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
