I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
