I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Found the puke drawer
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
