why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
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