You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize