actually, I'm a sock model
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize