Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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