Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
