we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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