Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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