He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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