we have pet lesbian snakes
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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