Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize