the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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