we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We're too hungover to prance.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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