R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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