White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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