I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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