I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
