If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
