I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
dude. I can hear the air.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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