I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
