Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it's like iHOP with fire
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
